The latest trailer for The Last Jedi just went live across the planet and it looks amazing. So many questions, so many lightsabers and also what looks to be a pack of Suicine on an Ice Planet!
Everyone seems to be enjoying it and as for us, well…DID YOU SEE THE PORG?
So to keep balance with the Force, we’ve decided to try and calm down our excitement about something wonderful coming from the Star Wars Universe, by reminding you all of some terrible Star Wars video games that have come out over the years. We’re very sorry, but it’s for the best.
1) Star Wars: Masters of Teräs Käsi
When you think of what gaming genre most befits the Star Wars Universe, I’m sure the most obvious answer is a fighting game. Or not. For some reason someone out there, had a vision of making a 3D Street Fighter/Tekken inspired game that featured characters from the original series and additional material (Mara Jade), fighting against each other with their fists. Look at poor Han Solo there, his hips can barely take it. The game was exclusive to Playstation and no doubt was the reason many decided to buy the console….
While we can make fun of the genre choice, it would have be better received if the game-play wasn’t so clunky and if the fighting moves weren’t limited to melee only attacks. There’s no Force powers in this game, just a special move that’s executed by a character when their power meter fills up.
2) Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith
This game is just not enjoyable in the slightest. There’s no skill involved, just mindless button mashing, which isn’t a negative in itself but when the entire game can be played like this and there’s a never-ending barrage of enemies, there’s not much to really grab you in and definitely no incentives to replay. The story is based on scenes from the film and on the PS2 and Xbox there were alternative endings. The game featured a multiplayer option, but finding a friend or anyone who bought this game or wanted to play it was difficult. The game isn’t the worst in this list, but it’s certainly one of the more bland and forgettable ones.
3) Star Wars: Jedi Arena
Atari sure had its fair share of bad movie related video games, back in the day. Jedi Arena is an aerial Pong-like game that came out in the early 80s. It had 4 difficulty levels, with the hardest featuring an invisible blaster droid, somehow. The game-play itself was very simple, given that it was based off Pong, but with an attempt to make it seem like there’s two characters waving lightsabers. Given the era and console, you can’t hate on the graphics, but for a move tie-in, there’s no story and not much joy to be gained from this retro Jedi game.
4) Flight of the Falcon
Whereas with the Atari game above, you can’t be too harsh when discussing graphics, the quality in this Game Boy Advance game was so poor that it made it quite painful on the eyes. There’s too much going on on screen for the Game Boy to handle and the colour palette variation of 50 shades of grey and a few bright greens, did not help make it easy to identify what was happening. The controls were also problematic, which coupled with the visuals made it hard to get through a level in one piece. What it lacked in game-play quality, it did not make up for in the overall story, as there wasn’t really one included, just very drawn out repetitive levels where you play as a squished down Millennium Falcon.
5) Star Wars: Obi-Wan
Hands up who even remembers this Xbox title? If you do, we’ll send you a Porg, once we capture some for ourselves. When Episode I, II and III came out, gaming companies saw many ways to capitalise on a new wave of fans of the Star Wars series. This meant more games on more platforms. They decided that what kids would love to do, is play as a young Obi-Wan Kenobi, you know the most boring character in Episode I. Making a game no one asked for is fine, if the game plays well and this game suffered from that age old plight of shockingly bad camera angles and very mediocre level designs. The game had a few shining moments, when wielding a lightsaber was genuinely fun, but these moments were few and far between and everything else was monotonous. Not many people have played this game it seems, but it’s easy to see why it was forgettable.
There’s a lot of Star Wars games out there, many of them are a lot of fun like the Lego Series and some are stellar achievements in gaming, like Knights of the Old Republic. Have you played any of the above games or have you got a suggestion that’s somehow worse, somehow the Jar Jar Binks of the gaming world? Let us know in the comments or on our social media!